my new friend

It’s been another one of those days. I have had a migraine for three days now. It hasn’t been the greatest feeling. While trying to clean up the kitchen I came across my water bottle. A little white and black one that we used when I was a puppy. It was broken. No big deal right? Fuck, tears filled my eyes instanly and that sore lump appeared in my throat.

Seth noticed I was upset, but he is oblivious to how much all this effects me. And what was I supposed to say? Who cares if it’s broken, we don’t use it anyways.

I met a guy online the other day. He’s really sweet. He is new to the BDSM world, but his girlfriend isn’t interested. The only reason I would be interested is cause it wouldn’t involve sex. But still be what I need so much, so bad, right now. I told him i would talk to Seth about how he felt about it. I never did. I know how he would feel about it. He would hate it that someone else wants to make me happy, when he doesn’t.  I’m getting to my wits end!

I don’t know what to do anymore. I have avoided talking to my new friend, cause I don’t want to tell him no, and I can’t tell him yes. So I have just been avoiding him. Maybe he will fade away. lol Yeah right.

I have read a few things on how to cope. And it all is the same thing.

 Once you find out who you are you can’t change that. You need to move on and find someone who understands and is willing to work with you on it.

So what the fuck? Grin and bear it or move on. Not much of an option there.

Whatever…

 

~~jane