No surprises there!
We have been gone camping for like the last 4 days. It was pretty cool. It was nice to get away from home and chores and bills and all the other crap. The day I did my last post, Seth said all rules were reinstated. But pretty much I just has to say Sir. I did forget to ask to get on the PC and he made comment to a punishment, but as I suspected, never went through with it.
I kinda figured he would want to take advantage of having a slave while we were campning since outdoor sex is a kink of his. But nothing. No rules, no punishment, nothing. I haven’t really cried over it, though. I knew it would end up this way.
It is no surprise to those of you who read I know. But I needed to let it out. I am slowly removing myself from the bdsm world. I no longer post on TSR or on IC. I do still read the blogs though. I bring myself not to. It hurts to see that, so and so get it why can’t he, but whatever, that is my own green monster slipping through.
My hardest problem is not taking my hurt out on him. Though it is his fault, I already knew better. I’m still playing the idea of telling him I want an online relationship. Not really, I don’t want an online relationship, but something is better than nothing and it hurts so bad right now. Something to fill this void. This hole that won’t stop growing.
So that is my rant for today. Nothing new or surprising.
July 6, 2008 at 11:16 pm
I’m sorry you’re going through that.
I don’t know if I could live without bdsm/ds/kink or something anymore either. I hope things change for the better for you.
July 7, 2008 at 6:25 pm
I have to say that I have been reading you for awhile, and it seems like you help to perpetuate the circumstance you are in, jane.
You said, “though it is his fault…”
Have you stopped to think that the responsibility for your relationship (or lack thereof) lays also with you? Because it does. You have a choice. Stay or go. Or, stay, resign yourself to a marriage with no D/s, and discuss seeking out an on-line relationship with Seth.
You keep stating, post after post, that you’re waiting for him to reign you in. Perhaps that’s never going to happen, and mightn’t it be a little unfair to rest your happiness and all your dreams and desires on someone who, from what you tell the world, clearly doesn’t want to take them on?
I do not say this as a bitch or a fan. Just as a woman and a human being who sees another woman and human being hurting like the dickens, yet not seemingly motivated to change her life, and take responsibility for it.
You CAN have what you dream of. Any of us can. But you have to realize that it is YOUR life, and therefore YOU must man the helm. Not him or anyone else. If you want change, you make the change. Period.
melissa