Okay so here’s the deal. I have started this therapy shit. Don’t get me wrong he is a great guy. I just ain’t seeing much in the way of getting better. (well, cept the last session.) But he bumped it to twice a week now. But I am having a hard time remembering what we talked about in our last sessions. So, I am going to start writing about them here. If you all don’t like it it’s cool. I understand…But this way I still write and get back into the blogging.
So last week was supposed to continue on my history…The sexual abuse, not just from Seth, but also from the others when I was younger. Family history and all that. I have had reacurring nightmares since my mother died and even when they died down some I got more from Seth. I relieve the worst moments.
So we talked about how a dream is like a movie…You can make anything happen. So at the worst part of my dream..The part where he apologizes and tells me how sorry he is and then turns around and does it again not a minute later. So we cut the tape right there. My sister is my support and we encase him in celophane and make him listen..and leave him there till I feel safe and in control.
It sounded childish for me, but it put a hilarious image in my head…Seth, naked, cellophaned, to the wall. So maybe that image will keep up in my head the next time I dream it.
As far as other stuff goes…I see the doc tomorrow and we are going to change my zoloft. It worked great at first and then nothing.
I turned that guy down about being his slave. He wanted it alot mor eintense than I am ready for. I was scared too. I have a female Domme I have been talking to, she asked for my number. I haven’t given it to her yet. But we are talking just as friends.
Seth wants to start it all again. I have been very cautious. Idon’t really want to say yes, cause I can’t deal with the heartache when he drops me on my ass again. He is talking about going slow and everything. We just don’t know how slow to go. Any ideas?
Well that’s about it for now. My next appointment is tomorrow night. So Iguess I’ll go and check out you’all’ses blogs. lol
~~jane
