Just peeking in

So I really have nothing to say. lol Just stopped by to say hi. I have stayed off the computer mostly for the last 4 days. I got a cold and with it a migraine that lasted days. We went to the ER and sat for 3 hours without seeing anybody and finally just left. We went back the next day and again sat for almost 3 hours. This time we waiting for the doc. He gave me Imitrex and something for the nausea, and of course the good stuff. The pain killer that instantly kicks in and makes you all woosie. Ahh….Sweet relief.

I told D, as much as I wanted the pain gone, I dreaded feeling better. Seth is pretty self centered. I have been talking about the Daddy/little girl side of BDSM. As much as I like the idea, I don’t think it would work. Seth does not like taking care of me and helping me when I am sick. So the nurturing, caring, loving rold of DaddyDom probably wouldn’t work for us.

Anyways yesterday I was feeling much better. So we started cleaning house. Everything had been left to build up while I was down. So D came over and helped out a bit. She is the most awsome friend…sometimes. lol

Not much is happening in the ‘us’ category. After the breaking scene things went on for a day and then stopped. That’s the way the usually go. We have a new book on the way. It’s Master Nage’s Guide To Training Consensual Slaves

We haven’t gotten it yet. It seems to be taking along time, since it is shipping from the same state we are in. Anyways…I am learning to handle my emotions better. Things are never going to be the way they were or the way I want them. Seth isn’t strong enough to take me. That’s not a bad thing, mind you. So I learn to write out all my hurt feelings and just delete it. That helps. I read others blogs and revel in their happiness. And for the most part I get along ok now.

Anyways I am off. Gotta start the laundry and probably play some games online. hehe…

~~jane

Exahsperated

Ok so the book was a really good book. It has so many great ideas and techniques in it. But it wasn’t what I was hoping for.

I think the sex drive has to do alot with the medication, as you all said. Part of it has to do with my self image, as surrender talked about. But a big part is…The D/s turns me on so much. Seeing Seth with everyday control is what makes me hot. So without any of that….fucking blah. You know, it’s just plain boring sex.

The book didn’t have much to say on D/s relationships. It was more on the fun stuff. So any suggestions? Books that can help guide a D/s relationship? I’m headed over to Amazon again to look and see if I can find anything.

The book had the wrong effect, which after reading it for a while, I was afraid would happen. Rather than want to sit down and work out our relationship, he wanted to jump to the fucking. I had a moment of submissiveness yesterday. It was me getting excited that the book was here, and things might finally come together…so much for that. lol

A couple of you mentioned that you just do it. When Master wants sex, you grin a bear it. I wonder how that effects you. So many times that is all our sex life had been. Me faking and him getting what he wanted. Is there fullfillment in that? I know I am not a slave, atleast not a good one. Maybe submissive, at best.

So, again…any suggestions on books?

~~jane

The loving dominate

We ordered the book…just waiting for it to get here. We are hoping it will offer some help. I do not know how to help Seth anymore. He has all the information. And things used to be perfect, so he knows how to do it just fine. I don’t get all the problems we are having now. I have read a couple post now that said something along the lines of —he’s not doing it right, so I can’t do it right. and He is is not doing it how I want.— I don’t want it to be like that. If thier dominate fails on his part..they should stick with that, because it is about what he wants? That doesn’t make much sense to me, but I guess I will try to go with that. But what happens when you dominate wants sex all the time? Are you supposed to give in all the time? It’s more than I just don’t want it. I don’t have a sex drive…and I seem to be having alot of past issues clogging up the brain…

Hmmm…whatever. Hopefully the book will help a bit.

I went to my first bariatric meeting tonight. So tomorrow starts the phone calls and paperwork. I am excited to get it, but annoyed at how long it’s gonna take. Could be up to a year and a half…Plus all the trips to see the doc…fuck I don’t have that gas money….It will work out. I hope.

Anyways….that’s it for now.

~~jane