Another day unowned

Today has not been all that great of a day. Every where I have turned I see some punk with a collar on. Not an ownership collar. Just one to fit in with the cool kids. My hand went straight to my neck everytime. Feeling for where my collar once was, where my tags hung. I grasp at nothing.

There has been no collar for months now. And while each day I am getting better, I still have my moments of….insecurity, I guess. Yes as my husband, I can curl up to him when I feel I need him, but as his slave the feeling of protection was so much more. I felt needed and wanted and …..Owned.

It’s just another day. I stuff my hurt feelings down and deal the best I can, without taking it out on anyone.

Dad took me out today and we talked. Not about what happened over my bro’s graduation but about how things are going with me and Seth.  And overall, they are doing okay. I have little reminders throughout the day that he doesn’t want to own me. I explained this all to my dad. He can be very understanding at times. I never did tell him that Seth quit it all. Till today.

He hugged me and said if I felt I need to feel protection and wanted to call him, and he will hug me and let me know how much he needs me.

Of course that is purely father/daughter…nothing kinky there. So it wouldn’t be the same, but his thoughts was nice to hear. I needed that.

So I am going to lay down or something…

 

~~jane

New again

So we have been saving money to go on a date. We were going to go see Cloverfield and go out to dinner. That’s not happening. Though maybe we can still see the movie atleast. It was worth a shot I guess. I know better than to expect things to go my way.

 We spent the money we had saved at the store. Peanut needed diapers, and we got her an outfit. Bubby got clothes from us and grandma and we got him some valentine day cards to play with. Seth got a sweater and new pants. I didn’t get anything cause there wasn’t enough money. There was a really nice shirt I wanted and Seth had said somethign about some pj pants. But I couldn’t find them. So…Oh well…Another day in paradise.

I have another sore again. A clogged pore. But this time it is in an even more sensitive spot. I am not willing to go to the doc yet. I can’t handle the needles there. Just thinking about it makes me cry. There are ups and downs. I cannot have sex so that is a plus. But Seth is trying to do anything he can to get some.. It a good and bad thing. I spend most my time just praying it will go away. I can’t stand having to go to the doc again.

Seth put me back in a collar. And today we are supposed to start again. this time for ”real.” We say a thing for a tick chart. So I guess we are trying that. I am going to draw up a chart today for it. We realised I do not have any behaviour rules, so I think we are working on that to.

So i guess that’s about it today.

Does any body know how to get a friends page like n LJ? Where you can read the post? Or the ….I think RSS feeds, so if there are not on the same journal you can still add them?

Hello world!

So this is me…. I don’t actually have much to say right now. I seem to have alot more freedom here than on LJ. So…

 I am owned, but I am also not. We are still new to the scene and working through our gliches. I am uncollared. I had a training collar, but nothing seeed to be happening. SO it is off again. Tonight we are alone, well not alone, but only one baby is home. So it will be a good time to spend sometime together talking and figuring out how we are going to work things out. I am sure Seth has other things on his mind…but that is no surprise.